Scary Sleep Deprivation Stories

I read a story about a guy named Gardner who stayed awake for 11 straight days and came out of it pretty well, although this descriptive passage tells of some funkiness along the way:

“As more days passed, Gardner’s speech began to slur, he had trouble focusing his eyes, he frequently grew dizzy, he had trouble remembering what he said from one minute to the next, and he was plagued by more hallucinations. One time he saw a wall dissolve in front of him and become a vision of a forest path.”

I always thought mild, “manageable” hallucinations were cool…

The longest I’ve ever stayed awake is around 4 days, and let me be straight up with you–you do not want to be around my psychotic ass when that happens. Fortunately it’s been a few years since that event. The article in the local newspaper wasn’t really that big.

Amazingly enough,

“The one thing they didn’t do was give Gardner any drugs. Not even caffeine.”

Mano y mano.

But what’s the official record of sleeplessness?

“Finally, at two A.M. on January 8, Gardner broke Rounds’s record. A small crowd of doctors, parents, and classmates gathered to celebrate the event. They cheered wildly, and Gardner, busy taking calls from newsmen, responded with a V-for-victory sign. Four hours later, he was whisked away to the naval hospital where, after receiving a brief neurological checkup, he fell into deep sleep. He woke fourteen hours and forty minutes later, feeling alert and refreshed.

“Gardner’s world record didn’t last long. A mere two weeks later, papers reported that Jim Thomas, a student at Fresno State College, managed to stay awake 266.5 hours. The Guinness Book of World Records subsequently recorded that in April 1977 Maureen Weston, of Petersborough, Cambridgeshire, went 449 hours without sleep while participating in a rocking chair marathon. However, Gardner’s feat remained the most well-remembered sleep-deprivation trial. To this day, no on knows the maximum amount of time a human can stay awake.”

A rocking chair marathon? For real? That’s about 18 straight days of no shut-eye. I can’t fathom it. I see it being dreadfully nightmarish with a wickedly whimsical Tim Burton influence, all B&W, of course.

IF YOU ARE A PUPPY, HOWEVER, Hold up, wait a minute:

“In 1894 Russian physician Marie de Manaceine kept four puppies awake almost five days, at which point the puppies died. She reported that the research was “excessively painful,” not only for the puppies but for herself as well. Apparently monitoring sleepy puppies 24/7 is hard work.”

Puppies Need Sleep! Puppies Need Sleep! Puppies Need Sleep!
Slush Puppies need flavored ice and Hush Puppies need feet!

They recently announced a new PS3 title to be released: Stay Awake or Die Tryin’

Successfully completing this game grants the player eternal immunity from somnolence. In other words, you get a leg up.